Fun Business Fun Money Podcast
EP 023 – How to feel more confident talking about money
Talking about money should be easy peasy… but its NOT! At least its not in certain situations.
In this coaching episode I give you one of the exercises I take my clients through as we release any BS around talking about money so you can talk about your fees with CONFIDENCE.
KEY MENTIONS
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TRANSCRIPT
Hey there, and welcome back to the Fun Business Fun Money podcast!
Obviously one of the big themes of this podcast is money, along with business and having fun in everything you do.
If you’ve been listening to the most recent episodes you’ll have noticed a LOT of focus on money, particularly around how your money archetype, or personality, influences your relationship with money.
And yes, I did just say money like 4 times in that one sentence! Theres no escaping it if we’re going to have a healthy, positive financial relationship.
I mean, theres no point in making bucketloads of money doing whatever it is that you do, or even winning the lottery, if you have a crappy relationship with money. Its going to up and leave you no matter how much comes into your life.
I like to think all this positive talk and energy around money is like relationship counselling, making sure both you and money are seen and heard so you can have the most incredible, awesome, AMAZING time together.
Thats why today’s episode is titled “How to feel more confident talking about money”, because all too often we give away our power around finances, particularly if you identify as a woman or anything other than a male, because thats how we’ve been raised for literally generations.
I don’t want to go down that rabbit hole because trust me, I’m VERY passionate about breaking the rules of patriarchy, its downright insulting that anyone thinks gender plays a part in our ability to be, do or have something. We’re all human beings!
See?? Already feeling that energy stirring up haha!! So no, we’re not going there today, thats an in depth topic for another day! Apologies in advance, its probably going to be simmering away under the surface through this whole episode lol!
What I want to focus on with you today is a technique that I use with my private and group clients to break down the barrier between you and your inner power around money.
I just want to add a little something here around power and money too.
Notice how you react to those two words together, power and money.
What image pops into your mind?
How do you feel in your body?
WHERE in your body do feel that sensation?
All of those play a part in how we talk about money.
If you instantly go to a man in a suit, a Wall Street type who is ruthless when it comes to money, you’re not alone.
Or maybe your mind goes to the powerfully wealthy woman that looks down on others and treats them like garbage, Devil Wears Prada style.
Again, a very common misconception thats perpetuated by movies and TV – you don’t become an obnoxious horrible person if you have money, there are plenty of obnoxious horrible human beings without money too!
Those and any other negative energy scenarios you might come up with are exactly why we need to heal our relationship with money, and a big part of that is how we TALK about money.
Feeling empowered in money conversations is an absolute game changer!
Whether you’re an employee, employer, in business for yourself or an unpaid support person – which is another whole topic that winds me up, you deserve to be compensated appropriately for your work no matter WHAT it is, stay at home parent, intern, caregiver, all of it!
See, there it is again! Can you see how important it is to feel confident enough to stand up for yourself in money conversations? Its literally EVERYWHERE, every day, no matter how much we say we’re ok with not being paid for something.
Alright! Lets get into this technique that I use with my clients, I’m sure you’re wondering about that!
I want you to grab a piece of paper and a pen, or open a document on your computer or device, whatever works for you. And if you’re driving, don’t do either of those, just listen! You can come back to this later or check out the show notes for the full transcript.
I want you to jot down the single biggest challenge you have with talking about money right now.
I give my clients a list of things to prompt their thinking, but for the purpose of this, I’m pretty sure something stands out for you.
It could be stating your fees out loud to a potential client on a sales call, maybe the words just squeak out and lack confidence.
Maybe you struggle to discuss the finances with your partner or spouse.
It could be that you want to invest in something and its going to be a stretch so you need to apply for a business loan to do it.
Whatever it is, jot it down.
I’m going to go through this exercise using one of those I’ve just mentioned as an example – stating your fees out loud. Thats something that takes a bit of courage, trust me, I’ve been there!
If you’re now raising your fees because you’re truly valuing your time, energy and expertise, you’re going to have to have that conversation with your existing clients to tell them their cost for your services is going up.
The next question to ask yourself is “What am I secretly afraid of in this situation?” We’re all afraid of something on some level, it doesn’t have to be so completely paralysing that you want to run and hide under the duvet for a week. It could be a minor discomfort, thats still a fear.
What are you secretly afraid of in this situation?
The most common things are rejection, not being liked, not being approved of, being judged, ending up with nothing, or even losing love.
They’re all kind of similar but there are subtle variations and one may be more relevant for you than the others.
So in my example, I want to state my fees out loud to new and existing clients, and I’m secretly afraid that they’ll judge me as greedy or too big for my boots, saying “HA! Thats ridiculous, who do you think you are??”
And as I’m saying that I’m picturing a person bursting out laughing and pointing, which NOBODY ACTUALLY DOES (except in movies!) but thats still a valid scenario that our subconscious minds come up with. Our brains are SO WEIRD!
Thats leads us into the next question, what are you telling yourself about this situation? In this example its that talking about your fees is like being under the microscope or in a negative spotlight, its uncomfortable and feels REALLY vulnerable. But as the amazing Brene Brown reminds us vulnerability is COURAGE.
When we put ourselves out there like that, asking for what we want to be paid, WE feel vulnerable.
But the OTHER PERSON is more likely to see a ballsy courageous move where you’re stepping up and saying out loud what your time, energy and expertise is worth.
Thats an important distinction to make – when we communicate with others theres more than one conversation going on.
I remember going to a 3 day personal development seminar and the person running it pointed out that there were actually 120 seminars happening in that moment – there were 120 people in the room and everyone would interpret it differently, based on their perception and experiences.
Thats always stuck in my mind, especially when it comes to all the shouty opinions about what’s true and whats not.
So now that we know what we’re afraid of, in this example its judgement, the next important question to ask is… “What if being afraid of that judgement (or whatever your actual fear is) was no longer important to me?”
Imagine that fear is written on a whiteboard and you simply grab the eraser and wipe it out. Its no longer important, its not there. How would you feel?
In this example, it would feel pretty GREAT! You’d simply state your fees and thats it, you don’t need to fill any silence that may follow or instantly offer a discount or ANYTHING to justify what you charge.
How would it feel if that fear was no longer important to you?
Whatever that feeling is, write it down as the reminder of what you WANT to feel, not what you’re always had or felt.
Whats the GIFT in this conversation? This is about focusing on the good, positive things about talking about money. We hear so much about the bad stuff, we don’t talk about the good stuff often enough.
Theres always a gift – what would you achieve, create, earn, do, be or have if you go ahead and have this amazing money conversation?
How good will it feel to speak up and be heard regardless of the outcome? THAT is a gift to yourself, releasing the pent up energy that usually blocks you in this situation.
And the last question in this process is… What do you WANT to say?
I always feel better about going into an awkward situation prepared, knowing what I want to say beforehand so I feel like I can confidently guide the conversation and show myself as a leader.
When you feel prepared instead of winging it or feeling blindsided, its an instant confidence boost. You know what you want to say, when to say it and how you want it to come out.
When I used to state my fees for my coaching packages the words would literally stick in my throat. I’d um and ah around the topic before finally blurting it out in this kind of quiet squeaky tone!
I had to build my confidence around saying the number out loud, practicing it so it flowed as naturally as saying “Pass the salt.” I’d walk around the house saying it, while I was driving, while I was cooking dinner, in the shower.
I’d get my hubby Chay to ask me randomly, “How much is it to work with you?” so I could see how it felt to talk about it out of the blue.
I love that phrase “pass the salt”, its no big deal, its a common natural thing to say when you’re sitting down to a meal.
THAT is how easy we can talk about money when we get over the weird awkwardness, the stigma around this thing we all want and need to create the freedom we want, but we’re so conditioned NOT to talk about it.
If you’ve ever worked in a corporate setting, there is often a clearly written stipulation in your contract that your remuneration is not to be discussed with anyone other than your manager.
Reinforcing the message that talking about money is taboo, shameful, people will judge you for sharing what you’re earning and there will be an all out employee rebellion because you’re being paid more (hello gender pay gap!)
Let me just summarise those questions for you so they’re in one nice neat list.
- What’s the biggest challenge you have right now in talking about money, whats the situation where you notice it the most?
- What are you secretly afraid of in this situation?
- What are you telling yourself about this situation? What are the consequences?
- What if that fear was no longer important to you?
- Whats the gift in this situation?
- What do you WANT to say?
Once you’ve got clear answers to those questions, which doesn’t have to take a lot of time by the way, this can be a 5 – 10 minute exercise, don’t overthink it.
Now you’ve got those answers, you can decide on a new action.
What are you going to do today that will help you implement this?
It could be writing a script so you know exactly what to say. Get someone to prompt you so you can hear the words out loud. I’d love to know! Send me a DM on Facebook or Instagram, I’m @funbusinessfunmoney on both platforms.
Of course this is just one small piece of the money mindset work I help clients with, both 1-1 and in my group program, Sacred Money Archetypes®.
If this exercise has opened up new possibilities for you – and I hope it has! – and you want to take your money mindset to the next level and beyond, I’m taking enrolments for the Sacred Money Archetypes group program right now.
Its a 9 week self study course with prerecorded videos, audios and workbooks to support your growth. Beginning on Wednesday 12th April 2023 we also have weekly live Q&A calls on Zoom – you, me and the other group members talking about money in a whole new way.
Each week you’ll have access to a new module that you’ll work through and come to the call to share your discoveries about your unique relationship with money.
We all have different personality traits that influence that relationship, which is why how one person achieves financial success isn’t necessarily how YOU will achieve financial success.
Sacred Money Archetypes, or SMA, is a really fun and interactive way to work on your money mindset, its a safe space where nothing is silly or stupid, no one is putting you in the spotlight or making fun of you for declaring what you want.
We have a lot of laughs, thats inevitable when you’re working with me, and we really do empower your money conversations, you’ll be surprising the crap out of yourself when the words flow easily and you feel amazing about it all!
You’ll find the link to the website with all the details in the description and in the show notes, its www.deirdreamies.com/sma – I’m even going to spell that for you because its so important!
Thats what I’ve got for you today, I hope those 6 questions will help you see how you can feel more empowered and confident with your money conversations.
If you have any questions please don’t hesitate to contact me, you can send a DM on Facebook or Instagram to @funbusinessfunmoney, or email hello@deirdreamies.com – you’ll find the link to all of those in the show notes.
Take care, have fun playing with your money conversations, and I’ll catch you in the next episode!
Want to know more about the Sacred Money Archetypes group program?
Its a super fun 9 week online course with recorded modules and a workbook to guide your progress. Twice a year I run this as a LIVE group program with Q&A Zoom calls, coaching directly with me. Click here to grab your spot now and get a head start!
