Hey there, and welcome to the Fun Business Fun Money podcast!

 

If you’ve been here for a bit I just want to say how much I appreciate you, your DMs, your emails and your social media shares telling OTHER people about this podcast. That means the world to me because even though I record these episodes by myself, in my mind I’m talking to YOU. So to have you respond in some way makes it feel like this really is a conversation and I LOVE IT!

 

If you’re just new to the podcast, hey, hello, welcome! I love hearing from new people so don’t be shy! And I hope you enjoy binging on ALL the previous episodes because theres some truly useful – and fun! – stuff there about business, money and life in general.

 

It may seem like I’ve been talking about money a LOT lately, and I’m not about to change that theme in a hurry. That may be a little annoying for some, but its a theme that needs repeating, over and over and over.

 

We’ve spent CENTURIES suppressing the conversation around money and its long overdue that it came out into the light. Talking about money on this podcast, on social media, emails, with clients, thats all part of changing the narrative that money should only be discussed behind closed doors, in hushed tones, or on a piece of paper slid across the desk.

 

Have you noticed that in books and movies? They don’t say the number out loud! They’ll be having this full on discussion about a deal or a contract but when it comes to the money part they whip out a pen and paper, jot it down and slide it on over. The other person glances at it, looks back at their negotiating partner and they continue on! Its wild! 🤪😂

 

 

Anyway, thats not the topic for today, which is BOUNDARIES and how they’re actually your friend – although it is kind of related. That whole ‘we don’t talk about money’ belief is actually a rock solid boundary. Its been culturally enforced for so long that we just accept it and its morphed into a full on money block for everyone.

 

But thats also our downfall. Most of us HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO TALK ABOUT MONEY! We don’t know how to ‘close the deal’, make the offer or stand up for what we’re worth because theres all this weirdness around money.

 

That weirdness around money is what we work on and release in my Sacred Money Archetypes group program, which is always available as a stand alone course, but I’m also running it as a LIVE group program with weekly Zoom Q&A calls, beginning Wednesday 12th April 2023.

 

I would LOVE for you to join us, there are people who have done it before as well as new participants, people with very different money archetypes and personalities, different backgrounds and income levels.

 

This program can turn your relationship with money from something that feels weird and awkward into something you treat like your financial BFF, your best friend forever. Because you’re going to have a longer relationship with money than you will with any other person or thing on the planet, lets make it a good one!

 

You’ll find the link with all the info about the program in the description and in the show notes, or you can send me a DM @funbusinessfunmoney on Facebook or Instagram, or an email to hello@deirdreamies.com and I will send you the link!

 

Talking about money is where boundaries become super important. Instead of using them to keep this conversation about money neatly corralled away, we need to be using boundaries to bring the conversation into a cohesive ‘thing’ that includes money.

 

If you’re the kind of person who HATES getting on a call to discuss working with someone because you don’t yet know the price, thats a boundary you’ve created around money.

 

You don’t want to feel uncomfortable ‘in the moment’ so you refuse to book the call and find out that its actually completely affordable, its exactly what you need and that call is actually about checking the vibe between the two of you.

 

  

Hearing that might be making you squirm a little, like I’m somehow inside your head observing your thought process, but I promise I’m not! Its simply a common trait for some money archetypes. Understanding that resistance and discomfort about not knowing everything up front makes choosing a different boundary around money easy AND powerful.

 

On the flip side, some money archetypes have very different boundaries around money. To the point that setting your prices is a super stressful process that you’d rather avoid. You pick a number, feel icky about it, heavily discount it and add on a bunch of bonuses to make up for charging so much.

 

Don’t worry, I’ve been in BOTH of those camps – refusing to book a call to find out the investment, if I don’t know I can’t do it, right?

 

And I’m also the one who launched my first coaching offer at a ridiculously low cost with a 50% discount, and still felt icky about charging for it. All because I didn’t understand my money personality or how I was treating money in general.

  

If you don’t yet know your money archetypes, go take my super fun online quiz. You’ll find the link in the description of each episode, and in the show notes. It’ll take you about 5 minutes to complete and you’ll get a full outline of your top money archetype as well as a list of your scores across all 8 of them. Its packed with fun and interesting insights about your relationship with money, and you’ll be able to spot how your boundaries show up!

  

Even now, with all the knowledge about money mindset, money archetypes and how things work, I STILL catch myself falling into old habits, like wanting to ‘rescue’ someone by giving them my courses or coaching for free. I know I’m not the only one who does that, hello all you Nurturer, Alchemist and Connector archetypes out there!

 

What I’ve got for you today is some insights to help you recognise four different types of boundaries, and four ways you can utilise boundaries in your business so you feel like the empowered leader you are – boundaries are your friend!

 

There are 4 types of boundaries, and depending on the situation, you may have different ones at different times – which is why its important to be aware of them.

 

If you’ve got soft boundaries you’ll tend to merge with other people’s boundaries and go with the flow. That just means you don’t have a really clear sense of your own boundaries, what you will and won’t put up with, so someone with soft boundaries can be easily manipulated by others.

 

I know, not nice to hear you’ve possibly been manipulated, but it is what it is. Some people will take advantage of soft boundaries whether they intend to or not.

 

When you’ve got soft boundaries you don’t tend to voice your opinion in case you’re not liked, or loved, or you offend someone in some way, so you just go along with whatever the other person wants.

 

Remember the peer pressure situations from school and the work environment? That stuff. I’m sure we’ve all experienced this at some point, it doesn’t feel good, and if it goes on too long its easy to lose our own sense of worth and direction.

 

This is at the complete opposite end of the scale.

 

Its usually someone who is closed off and has walls up so no one can get close to them personally or emotionally. They’re often this way because of a bad previous experience in a similar situation, so they’re very wary of allowing that to happen again.

 

In some situations this is totally appropriate, if you’re a woman who has ever walked home in the dark you’ll have had rigid boundaries in place, you’re on high alert for any danger to your personal safety. But living your whole life in this way isn’t a lot of fun, its not fun for others to be around long term, and it certainly doesn’t feel easy or free.

 

This is a combination of soft and rigid boundaries.

 

It often shows up when you’re unsure of what to let in and what to keep out, so a person can seem to be really inconsistent, flip flopping from one end of the scale to the other. One minute they’re doing this, then they’re doing the complete opposite.

 

It can also come across as if they don’t trust themselves so they’re all over the place trying to figure it out. They can be rigid when it doesn’t serve them, or soft when that doesn’t serve them either.

 

This is the sweet spot in my view.

 

When you have flexible boundaries you have a lot more control over your life. It doesn’t mean you’re a controlling type that pisses other people off, it means you’re someone who can decide what to let in and what to keep out. You know what you want and what you don’t want.

 

You can spot the emotional pressures and manipulation a mile away and resist it without any effort at all. It can be difficult to exploit someone who is this self aware, which is a very good thing. You’re not going to fall for the latest scams, even if they’re brand new because your spidey sense is finely tuned.

 

So that’s 4 common types of boundaries, soft, rigid, spongy and flexible.

 

Ideally we would all have grown up with this level of self awareness and have beautiful flexible boundaries. But as we all know nothing is ideal or perfect, so we’ve got to work on it!

 

 

Now you’re probably wondering how on earth you’re supposed to make boundaries your friend, right?

 

It starts with knowing where you’re at and being clear on what you’re willing to do, or tolerate, and what you’re NOT willing to do or tolerate.

 

 

This is particularly useful if you have soft boundaries, as I described earlier. You’re going to come up against people who want MORE, no matter how much you’re offering or giving. This is really common with Nurturer archetypes.

 

Families are often the very people who feel like your boundaries don’t exist. I’ve had to reinforce mine time and again over the years. Just because I work at home doesn’t mean our house is going to be spotlessly clean, the laundry all done and dinner cooked every night.

 

If I’m having a particularly big energy output day with client calls and I’m also in the creative flow or up against a deadline, NONE of that stuff is getting done. I’ve trained my family to fend for themselves – with love of course – and they’re all more than capable of doing those things to help out and pick up the slack. Its all swings and roundabouts, I’m there for them when they need it too.

 

That right there is an example of flexible boundaries – everyone knows the score, we support each other and step up as and when needed.

 

We ALSO need to implement appropriate boundaries in our business. Some of you will be service providers, others have product based businesses but you have that element of customer service, so these tips on boundaries apply for pretty much all of us.

 

There will always be people who want MORE than what you’ve outlined in your offers.

 

There will be clients who show up with an expectation to cover 5 big things on a 30 minute call.

 

They ignore boundaries on how or when to contact you, expecting an immediate response even though you’re in a different time zone.

 

They use blaming language to shift responsibility, saying you’re not available when they need you.

 

They complain about what didn’t get done in their expected time frame.

 

I can assure you, these are NOT your people.

 

If you’ve got clients like this and you’re exhausted just thinking about your next interaction with them, or dreading Monday because of them, its safe for you to let them go.

 

Even if they’re your main or ONLY source of income right now, bringing in stronger boundaries around your time, energy, expertise and money will help you feel so much better about working with them or ending the working relationship altogether.

 

This is also one of the down sides of low cost offers, people who pay the least usually expect the most. They want VIP service for their $8 investment.

 

There is a VERY different energy around high performers who come with a list of big topics, but theres no expectation to cover it all. They’re usually open to working on things over time knowing they have you to support them, they know it’s unreasonable to expect everything fixed right NOW with a wave of your magic wand.

 

This is the power of premium offers, that higher price tag attracts the right people, the ones who appreciate your boundaries and respect them because you’re giving them permission to have their own boundaries.

 

Your job as a leader in your own business and life is to create an energy of expansion. You can create space and hold your ground with grace and ease because you’ve got clear boundaries and standards. You don’t have to take on anyone else’s lack of worthiness and try to fix their situation for them.

 

I want to share some strategies that you can implement to support your boundaries in your business, because this affects how you make your money. Theres no better feeling than having clear boundaries around your time, energy and expertise, and having the results of THAT show up in your bank account!

 

There are four key strategies, I had loads more but I’ve pared the list down so we’re not here ALL DAY, I want you to take note and go implement, not just listen to me talk about them!

  

 

Be crystal clear on what your offer or package includes. You can be generous, giving and full of love, without being over the top.

 

As an example, my 1-1 private coaching IGNITE package includes a certain number of calls, plus some emergency calls.

 

I have a suggested outline for the topics we’re going to cover during our time together, whether thats 3 months, 6 months or a year.

 

I’m clear about how you should communicate with me, and that my availability is based on my time zone, not yours.

 

You also need to be clear about the bonuses you’re giving. People WILL expect more, its your job to communicate what’s involved for the price you’re asking.

 

Its important to have respect for yourself and respect for the other person. Boundaries are a sign of respect.

 

You can ask something like “Of all the things on your list, what is the #1 thing that is most important for us to sort out right now?”

 

As a coach I show up fully in my power to support and guide you, but its not my job to tell you whats important to you. Your clients will quickly get the idea when you ASK them what they need right now. You can do it in your first introductory call, in every call, in each interaction you have with them, you’re checking in with them and their priorities every time.

 

You’re asking “How can I help you?” You’re setting a standard and upholding your boundary for only working on the biggest priority instead of ALL the things and doing a half ass job!

 

There will always be a client who keeps bringing more and more to your sessions, you don’t have to take it on board but you do need to call out the pattern of behaviour.

 

This isn’t about having a power struggle between you and your client, you can simply say that you’re noticing they keep wanting to add more and more to their already busy life or business, and ask them what thats about.

 

Often its a sign of their own self worth and need to overdeliver, they may have soft boundaries and feel pulled in all directions.

 

It could be a sign of neurodiversity, they’re struggling to stay on one theme because they’ve got 1000 other ideas whizzing around.

 

Whatever it is, its not about you. They’re not doing it to annoy you, so just call it out with love and have that conversation so you can both understand and see a way you can work with each other and achieve the desired results.

 

I love this concept of YES energy. Its not about being a doormat who says yes to everything, even if you don’t want to. It always amuses me when I hear about people doing a ‘Year of Yes’, their overall goal is not saying no. Its a great concept but as an introvert I value my energetic boundaries and not burning myself out far more than I value saying yes to everything!

 

 

This helps you to serve at your highest level, and your clients are able to operate at THEIR highest level because of your beautiful boundaries and standards. Everyone feels seen and heard, theres a mutual respect, its one of my favourite things about being my own boss.

 

So there you go, 4 types of boundaries and 4 ways you can hold them in your business. Thats a LOT of info that I’ve thrown at you today, let me just recap them for you:

  

The 4 common types of boundaries are soft, rigid, spongy and flexible.

  

And the 4 strategies you can use to make boundaries your friend in your business are:

 

1 – Start with clear expectations – be crystal clear about whats included and whats not.

2 – Train your clients to prioritise – model the leadership of focusing on the one thing that is most important right now, not just the latest shiny thing that’s caught their eye.

3 – Call out behaviour patterns – bring attention to issues with love so you can discover whats really going on under the surface and help them in a more effective way.

4 – Stay in your YES energy – don’t be a doormat, you can give and receive within the scope of your boundaries and standards so everyone feels seen, heard and respected.

 

Of course its always easier to feel empowered with new boundaries and higher standards in your life AND your business when you’ve got someone guiding and supporting you, and thats absolutely something I can help you with.

 

Go take that money archetypes quiz so you have a better understanding of the type of boundaries you want and need around money. And check out the Sacred Money Archetypes program, come join the fun of working on your relationship with money in the live calls starting Wednesday 12th April 2023.

 

You’ll find the links to those in the description and in the show notes. Or you can send me a DM, I’m @funbusinessfunmoney on both Facebook and Instagram, or send an email to hello@deirdreamies.com – which is ALSO linked in the description and show notes.

 

Thats what I’ve got for you today, a bit longer than usual but SUPER important to talk about because boundaries really are your friend, not a gigantic wall to keep people out.

 

Take care, have fun playing with boundaries and seeing the magic you can create with them, and I’ll catch you in the next episode!