Fun Business Fun Money Podcast

EPISODE 112 – Visibility Breakthrough: Is it REALLY safe to be seen?

Visibility 101: Show up, share your expertise and sell your offers.

You’ve got dreams of having an impact on the world with your expertise and magic. But for so many, women and marginalised groups in particular, theres a deep rooted reason as to why that’s not as easy as it appears.

This quick tip episode may not sound like ‘fun’ – but neither are double standards, outdated beliefs and the very real fear of ‘being branded a witch’.

Lets not shy away from the uncomfortable truths about visibility. They need to stand in the light and be seen for what they are.

TRANSCRIPT

Hey there, and welcome back to the Fun Business Fun Money podcast! I’m your host, Deirdre Amies.

I want to dive right in with a question about something that is both an age old problem AND a very new one as we incorporate the digital world into our daily lives.

Visibility 101

That question is: How safe do you feel showing up and being visible?

I know I’m not alone in feeling like its not always safe to be seen and heard. Its only gotten worse as the internet culture has evolved into this invisible beast waiting around every corner in the form of your posts, blogs, podcasts or every comment you make online.

Theres a deep rooted fear that someone will disagree with what you say, and as we all know, THEY have no fear of sharing their opinion.

Or the fear that if you’re more visible, you’ll be attacked in some way.

Which happened to me just this week when I was mentioned in a post by LinkedIn News Australia. I’d commented on one of their posts and they deemed it worthy of ‘comment of the day’. Which is nice!

Here’s what happened next…

What’s not so nice is the 5 attempts to hack my LinkedIn account that happened as a result of that.

I woke up to a series of emails at random times, I mean OF COURSE I’d be trying to log into LinkedIn at 1:30am, or 3:15am! All of them wanting to confirm my login attempt from various places in the US. Which is always a clear sign that it wasn’t someone in the US lol!

This example is no big deal in isolation. I have 2 factor authentication on ALL of my online profiles and important info.

Sorry hackers, move along and either get a real job, or start a business where you can have fun and make money, sharing your expertise through legit means. Trust me, you’ll be a much happier human being if you do.

Enter the creeping feeling that visibility = not safe

Where this IS a big deal is that women in particular, are constantly made to feel unsafe. Whether thats a creepy online comment said intended in jest but thats NOT how it comes across, or taking extra precautions when we’re out after dark, every woman throughout time has experienced some unsafe moment.

I love that more men are becoming aware of how their words or actions affect women.

But thanks to the internet we can also SEE the gaslighting of women, and other marginalised groups in society, when they call out that they don’t feel safe.

The majority of men in my world aren’t those types and I adore them for it.

Yet even as I was writing my notes for this I was thinking “How can I soften this so I don’t offend any men who happen to listen to this?

How can I avoid triggering a need to attack me with “not all men” or “I’ve never experienced that, it doesn’t happen, show me the proof.” Which is totally a catch 22, and honestly it’s the whole reason we’re here now.

We’re conditioned to play small, to avoid being in the spotlight or drawing attention in case we’re attacked.

If you look even just a little bit back through history, the reason for it is obvious. And I’m not talking about cave people avoiding the predators who want to eat them, although thats part of our DNA too.

The witches, sirens and whores of history

Women have been persecuted as witches and burnt at the stake or drowned.

How many actual witches were discovered from that? Zero.

There were just women who didn’t buy into the patriarchal BS, or women who knew more about healing than a man did. “Oops, oh well, the next one will surely be an actual witch and all our failed persecutions will be vindicated. Onto the next one!”

Women have been blamed for tempting the passions of men simply by walking past, they’re going about their day. A woman who is aware of her sexuality was, and still is, branded as a whore. Either way, you’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

What does this have to do with us now?

The overarching message received is that its not safe to be visible, its not safe to be seen or heard. The source of that message may seem completely unrelated to our modern day lives and making money with an online business, but it runs so deep that it shows up in unexpected ways.

Things like fear of sharing ANYTHING on social media, fear of having sales conversations and asking for someone to pay you for your expertise.

What I hope you take away from this is that its ok to feel that way. You’re not weak or hopeless, you’re not destined to remain in the shadows forever.

It DOES mean you’ve got something powerful to share with the world and there’s going to be some push back as you do that.

Just remember there’s an army of OTHER women, and marginalised groups, beside you who have your back.

Not all women, just like its not all men who make us feel unsafe.

But there are plenty of other witches and sirens who will stand by you and give you their courage while you build your own.

Visibility 101: its safe for me to be seen and heard

Grab a post it note and write this down – Its safe for me to be seen and heard.

If all you can think right now is “NO WAY! Its not safe at all!” here’s a quick journalling exercise for you.

Ask yourself why its not safe. What are the underlying thoughts? And then dig a layer deeper, what are the thoughts underneath THOSE underlying thoughts?

Keep asking yourself why you think that. Where did that story come from? Bring out all the negative consequences of being seen and heard.

My own process around this went something like “Its not safe to be seen or heard because everyone will want a piece of me. There will be more demands on my time and energy, and I’ve only got so much to give. They’ll suck the life out of me and I’ll have nothing left.”

Which is probably why I’m loving a quote I spotted on Threads recently…

“Don’t set yourself on fire just to keep others warm.”

In order to feel safe being visible, to be seen and heard, you need boundaries.

You need to know what you will and won’t put up with.

You need to have strategies in place to deal with the shitty situations (like 2FA on all your online activities!)

And find your army of fellow witches and sirens who will have your back.

Thats what I’ve got for you today!

A little deep and thought provoking, maybe a little controversial for some. But its a theme that runs across centuries.

Recognising the behaviour that triggers your safety protocols and calling it out goes a long way towards ALL of us feeling a little safer.

I usually finish off these episodes by saying take care and have fun doing something related to the topic. But today I’m going to say take care, I see you, and I hear you.

I’ll catch you in the next episode.